8/31/16
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Science
- TVs went from curving outwards, to flatscreen, to curving inwards.
- Not once in my life have I stepped into somebody's house and thought, "I sure hope I get an apology for 'the mess'."
- If cops yelled "Run!" instead of "Freeze!" it would probably confuse the perp enough to give the cop a few seconds to catch up.
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8/30/16
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- If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends. If an egg is broken by an inside force, life begins.
- Amazon has ruined my expectations on how quickly an item should be shipped and handled.
- There should be a reverse version of Kickstarter, where people throw money at an idea, and the person/people that accomplishes it gets to claim the prize.
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8/29/16
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- I bet people who work at the Patent Office spend a lot of time wishing they thought of that.
- As a Disney land worker, I wonder how many pictures of me in my costume are in random people's houses.
- The vast majority of toilet paper is either used to wipe the part of your body that smells or the part of your body that smells.
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8/28/16
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- Why does my brain assume that new gadgets are delicate but as they get older they become stronger.
- Anti-piracy ads always insisted that "you wouldn't download a car", except I would absolutely download a car.
- In 30 years, a song that hasn't been written yet will come on and make me nostalgic about something that hasn't happened yet.
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8/22/16
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- If fish keep declining, future generations will think “plenty of fish in the sea” is a sarcastic quip meaning they will never find anyone.
- Someone should start an uber-like service just with pick up trucks to help move beds or pick up big packages.
- Wouldn't it be nice if people who were going to commit suicide could trade the rest of their life with people who are dying of cancer.
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8/21/16
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- Big supermarkets should have baskets placed around the store for that moment when I realize I can't carry another thing and should have got a basket.
- Diabetes is one disease where a sugar pill isn't a placebo.
- Saying "I lost the stylus for my tablet" would've still made sense over 2000 years ago.
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8/20/16
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- I'll bet that spider's just as pissed as I am that I walked through its web.
- It's crazy that's there's this giant thing in the sky all the time that we're not supposed to look at.
- What if the IOC bought a Greek Island to save Greece's economy and host the Olympics permanently, so we couldn't cripple other economies that host the Olympics?
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8/19/16
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Science
- Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can't cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
- I hate any shampoo company that shapes their bottles in a way that makes it impossible to put them down upside down.
- I wonder how often people who work at the patent office say to themselves, "I should have thought of that."
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8/18/16
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Science
- The funniest guy in the room is usually smart, but the smartest guy in the room usually isn't very funny.
- The tallest person alive has been the same height as every single person in the world at one point.
- I own a human skeleton.
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8/17/16
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Science
- It's unacceptable to use drugs to enhance your Olympic performance, but perfectly acceptable to use autotune to win a Grammy.
- If you live past 112, you get to be a teenager again.
- If you die in the same hospital you were born in, your total displacement will be 0.
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8/16/16
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Science
- Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
- If Apple Pay came before credit/debit cards, the invention of a battery-free payment tool that fits in your wallet might be seen as an improvement.
- The difference between being a high school state champion for the 100 meter dash and being the fastest man on Earth is 1 second.
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8/15/16
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- We have two universal languages: mathematics, and music. One to describe the universe, and one to describe how we feel about it.
- A person doesn’t become homeless just because they lose all their money, but also because they lost all their friends.
- If I brush my teeth everyday at 11:59 PM for two minutes, then I'm brushing my teeth twice a day.
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8/14/16
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Science
- Freshmen starting high school this year will be learning about 9/11 as a historical event that took place before they were born.
- Humans have developed so far that avoiding calories is now our main goal, as apposed to finding more.
- The moral of "The Tortoise and the Hare" folktale is "slow and steady wins the race," but it should really just be "don't be cocky."
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8/13/16
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- Michael Phelps is actually pretty slow for an aquatic mammal.
- If you're reading a book in public you're sophisticated, if you're reading the newspaper it's still socially acceptable, but if you're reading an article on your phone you're just another person glued to your phone.
- Star Wars takes place a long time ago because we're watching a Galaxy far, far away and the light from that Galaxy is taking a long time to reach us.
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8/12/16
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- When I play a video game, I go out of my way to talk to every person I see. In real life, I go out of my way to avoid talking to every person I see.
- The numbers, in alphabetical order, go 8549176320.
- The Milky Way could very well be the galaxy with the most milk in it.
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8/11/16
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- I recently came to the startling conclusion I will probably never ride a giraffe in my lifetime.
- 16 year olds are competing in the Olympics and I still look at my Mum when the Doctor asks what's wrong
- Having a favorite color turned out to be less important than I expected as a child.
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8/10/16
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- I definitely used way more glue in the first five years of my life than I have in all the time since then.
- Let's take a moment to appreciate that mother nature not only pre-sliced but also pre-wrapped oranges.
- The Olympics would be so much better if YouTube or Netflix had the rights to stream them.
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8/9/16
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- I may not be 2016 healthy, but I’m 1816 healthy.
- We put clocks in our mobile phones, so we didn't need to look at watches. Now we put mobile phones in our watches so we don't need to look at our mobile phones.
- When you lay awake at night, your brain is that one guy at the sleepover that all the other organs wish would shut up and go to sleep.
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8/8/16
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- The Olympics should give out Platinum medals if you manage to take first place AND break a world record doing so.
- When horses win races we credit their lineage. When humans win races we credit their training.
- If a movie bombs at the box office they should release all the footage to see if someone could edit together a better movie.
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8/6/16
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Science
- One of the most tragic aspects of a plane crash is that, presumably, most of the passengers had airline food as their last meal.
- You don't actually bite down on anything. You bite up.
- If Microsoft let you play Minesweeper or Solitaire while Windows updated we'd hate Windows updates a lot less.
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8/5/16
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- If you grab any rock and split it in half, the inside you now have revealed has probably not seen daylight in millions if not billions of years.
- If you break the laws of man,you go to jail. If you break the laws of God,you go to hell. If you break the laws of physics,you go to Sweden and get the Nobel prize.
- Glass half full and Glass half empty doesn't depend on your philosophical bend as much as it depends on whether it was poured half way up or drank half way down.
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8/4/16
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- People are way more concerned about athletes having to deal with Brazil being unsafe than the millions of people who live there.
- According to the general media it seems like absolutely everyone has Twitter, yet I don't know a single person who uses Twitter.
- Today's date is 100/1000/10000 in binary.
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