12/13/16
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Science
Showerthoughts
- If I get up 10 minutes earlier than usual, I treat it like 2 extra hours and end up late for work.
- As a kid my parents taught me to not believe everything I see on TV, now I have to teach them to not believe everything they see on Facebook.
- Every time I watch a scene from a movie of two people in a car I always watch the background to see if they are really driving or not.
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11/27/16
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Science
- There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly where you just walk round the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.
- If Apple owned the ISS it would spell disaster for other spacecraft that wanted to dock with it.
- A person with actual psychic powers would more likely be found working on Wall Street than working as a fortune teller.
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11/23/16
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Science
- What if Socrates was being literal when he said "I know nothing" and the Socratic Method was just him asking questions because he had no idea what was going on?
- My "I'll be home in 5 minutes" and my wife's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" is the same thing.
- Redbull seems to sponsor the activities you would least likely to get drowsy doing.
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11/22/16
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Science
- If someone offered to pay for my food and rent for the next 18 years, I'd do anything they ask of me. But I complained every time I took the trash out while living at my parent's house.
- When someone says there may be aliens in other galaxies, I'm inclined to believe them. When someone says they have proof, I think they're full of crap.
- Thinking my cat was simple minded for being entertained by string. Only to realize I was being entertained by a cat playing with a string.
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11/21/16
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Science
- My parents taught me to be kind and humble, honest and hardworking, and to save an unnecessary ton of plastic bags under the sink.
- Parking meters are just a convenient way to pay rent on a small plot of land.
- I spend most of my time at work to pay rent for a place that I hardly see because I'm at work.
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11/16/16
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Science
- "Smoking or non-smoking" will eventually refer more to marijuana than to cigarettes.
- The speed of light is basically just the fastest the universe can render.
- The craziest prediction that the tv show "The Jetsons" made about life that far in the future was that a man could still support a middle class family of 4 by working in a factory.
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11/15/16
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Science
- The 5 second youtube ads are genius, I will watch those and even like what's being advertised. 30 second ones where you can't skip make me hate whatever product is being advertised.
- Monopoly is basically Dungeons and Dragons for accountants.
- Parents used to say 'don't believe everything you read on the internet.' Now if I ask my dad a question his first response is 'google it.'
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11/14/16
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Science
- Every time I save my game I choose "create new save", thinking I might go back to them at some point, but never do.
- I'm old enough to miss the days when I couldn't be reached at a moments notice.
- We are planning to sustain life on Mars yet we can't even do that in 3rd world country's on Earth.
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11/13/16
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Science
- A zoo is a really safe place to fart.
- I'm glad dogs can't read the "no dogs allowed" signs so they don't feel sad and left out.
- I feel like every year there is a "the moon only looks like this every 100 years" event.
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11/12/16
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Science
- My dad used to say that if I didn't watch any television news, I would be ignorant and uninformed. Now I think my dad is ignorant and uninformed for watching too much television news.
- My clothes have been to countries I haven't.
- Even immortals do not know what it is like to live forever.
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11/8/16
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Science
- Whenever there's a hold-up in the drive-thru line I never blame the employees for being slow, I always assume it's the customer's fault for ordering too much or something too complicated for the drive-thru.
- 8 years ago I would not have bought a phone where you couldn't change the ringtone, now I think I've had the same default ringtone for 5 years.
- Millions of people have accidentally made a human, but no one has accidentally made a muffin.
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11/5/16
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Science
- When people think about travelling to the past, they worry about accidentally changing the present, but no one in the present really thinks they can radically change the future
- Someone should make a documentary where they fly a Flat Earth theory supporter to space station for a couple of days.
- For once I would like to see an action movie where half way through it the hero dies and we get to see what the villain does when he conquers the world.
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11/3/16
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Science
- '58 was 58 years ago for 58 more days.
- As a kid, 99.9% of the times I cried was due to physical pain. As an adult, 99.9% of the times I have cried was due to emotional pain.
- Aliens finding "Never Gonna Give You Up" on the Voyager Golden Record would have been the greatest rickroll ever.
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10/31/16
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Science
- Earth is like a guy who knows exactly where to stand next to a bonfire.
- 10 years ago we all wanted cool ringtones. Now we all just use the standard one.
- Facebook is just a Pokédex for people.
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10/29/16
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Science
- Earth is like a guy who knows exactly where to stand next to a bonfire.
- 10 years ago we all wanted cool ringtones. Now we all just use the standard one.
- Facebook is just a Pokédex for people.
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10/27/16
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Science
- Coffee should have a "caffeine by volume" rating like alcohol so I can choose how wired I really want to be when I buy coffee.
- If the "Six Million Dollar Man" show were set in the present day, instead of a bionic man it would just be a guy that had two knee replacements.
- Harry Potter would have been amazing if each book got a season in a Netflix series.
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10/26/16
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Science
- Once she hits a certain age, calling a female a "big girl" goes from being a compliment to an insult.
- Why do the ninja turtles wear masks they're the only giant turtles around.
- A doctor is a veterinarian that only has to work on one species.
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10/25/16
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Science
- When you catch a leaf falling from a tree, you're holding something that has never touched the ground.
- Most of the time when a pickup line 'works', it was actually just said by a good looking person.
- The person who invented swimming was the first person who didn't drown.
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10/24/16
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Science
- A telephone makes sound travel faster than the speed of sound.
- You could just post a picture of a random object and say it's cake and people would be super impressed.
- Calling yourself a hacker for executing a DDoS is like calling yourself a lock picker because you blew up a door with dynamite.
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10/23/16
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Science
- If a stranger insults me, I'l probably ignore it, as their opinion is meaningless. If a stranger compliments me, I'll probably treasure it, as their opinion is important.
- The last person I would want giving me love and marriage advice during my wedding ceremony is a priest that has lived a life of celibacy.
- The only reason I know about Aleppo is because Gary Johnson didn't.
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10/19/16
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Science
- Putting soymilk into coffee is putting beanwater into a different kind of beanwater.
- In some countries people are broke and don't even have clean drinking water and in my country we have fountains in public places that spew clean water and people just throw their unwanted money into it.
- Having a video not load after watching an entire ad, is like the equivalent of having a vending machine eat your money.
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