1/9/17
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Science
Showerthoughts
- If I was kidnapped and had my mouth duct taped, I would most likely die because my nose is clogged 90% of the time.
- Go jogging at 5am and your neighbors think you are an early-riser health nut who probably has to get to work early. Go jogging at 3am and they think you are a sketchy tweaker who probably doesn't have a job.
- The 2000's were the golden age for celebratory New Year's Eve glasses.
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1/7/17
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Science
Showerthoughts
- If I run a red light my picture is taken in HD but someone robs a bank and the video looks like footage from minecraft
- I'm a middle-aged man and it just today dawned on me that, if I wanted to, I could buy a chainsaw.
- My untied shoelaces seem to bother other people far more than they bother me.
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1/6/17
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Science
Showerthoughts
- Deaf people should buy houses really close to airports or highways, because they are cheaper and the noise doesn't matter.
- It makes me sad that tigers would rather eat me then let me scratch their cheeks, rub their bellies, and provide them with giant cardboard boxes.
- Vampires are just cannibals on a juice diet
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1/5/17
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Science
Showerthoughts
- Do you think Tom Hanks ever holds down the shift key too long and types out "THanks" and then giggles to himself?
- I'm in my 20's and I still sing "ABC's" in my head when searching for where a letter falls
- I used more glue in the first 5 years of my life than I probably will for the rest of it
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1/4/17
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Science
Showerthoughts
- In 20 years or so, I'm going to have to jailbreak my car to drive above the speed limit
- Every student headed to college must now be asking themselves "What CAN'T be done by a robot"
- The best way to lie is telling the truth sarcastically
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1/3/17
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Science
Showerthoughts
- I'm a phenomenal secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don't care about your shit enough to actually talk about it.
- Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones. Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.
- You don't realize how much you fart until you spend 24 hours with a girl.
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1/2/17
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Science
Showerthoughts
- You don't realize how often you swallow until you have a sore throat.
- In my 20-odd-year history of using duct tape, I have never once applied it to any ducts.
- Disneyland is a people trap set by a mouse.
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